Don’t Hate Me Because I’m a Sapiosexual

I like big brains and I cannot lie

All you others nerds can’t deny

When a wo/man walks in

With  multiple degrees

And a theorem about space

You get

An exponential increase of dopamine and oxytocin.

Image result for sapiosexual ecard

This relatively new addition to the English language explains so much of my life, I had to write about it.

Exhibit A:

Here are some words used in the lyrics of my favorite band (Muse, in case you’ve never actually had a conversation with me before):

  • unrectified
  • disassociate
  • entropy
  • exhumed
  • impassive
  • defector
  • infiltrate
  • disavow
  • recourse
  • expendable
  • dispersed
  • innovation
  • stellar
  • concede
  • amortize
  • vengeance
  • appease
  • emancipation
  • breach
  • overture
  • coercive
  • unproven
  • exorcise
  • undisclosed
  • regress
  • squander
  • bereft
  • morphing
  • absolution
  • asphyxiated

That’s not even all their albums. Sure, these are words that you probably all understand. But think about the lyrics you usually listen to. And think about fitting these words into a rhythmic and rhyming structure. Yeah. Sexy as.

Image result for sapiosexual

Exhibit B:

Films that I connect with on a spiritual level:

  • A Beautiful Mind
  • The Imitation Game
  • The Theory of Everything
  • The Painted Veil
  • Dead Poets Society
  • Gattaca

Science. Math. Literature.

Image result for the theory of everything

Exhibit C:

Characters that I am unreasonably and hopelessly crushing on forever:

  • Sheldon Cooper (The Big Bang Theory)Image result for sheldon cooper
  • Sherlock Holmes (Sherlock)Image result for sherlock
  • Mr Spock (Star Trek: The Original Series)Image result for spock
  • Spock (Star Trek film franchise)                       Image result for spock quinto
  • Pavel Chekov (Star Trek film franchise)Image result for chekov star trek
  • Sokka (Avatar: The Last Airbender)                  Image result for sokka
  • Izzy (Digimon: Digital Monsters)Image result for izzy digimon
  • Professor Bhaer (Little Women) Image result for professor bhaer little women
  • The Doctor (Doctor Who) Image result for doctor 9 10 11 12
  • Geoffrey Chaucer (A Knight’s Tale) Image result for geoffrey chaucer a knight's tale
  • Vision (Marvel cinematic universe) Image result for vision marvel

Maybe it’s coincidence that the last two are both Paul Bettany…but probably not… Also I am more than certain this list is missing a lot of characters.

Exhibit D:

My personal history.

  • Before I started dating my last boyfriend, we were at a dance. He was playing cards in the hall with some people, and I was curious about him so I sat down and joined the card game. To explain to me the situation of the game, he used the word “entropy” with a sideways glance and a half smile. SMITTEN.
  • On our first date, we began the conversation by discussing which psychologists’ theories of human development we’d observed in our own lives and live of others. We then went on to our favorite philosophers and which of their theories and lectures had shifted our paradigms the most. Finally we discussed the finer points of quantum theory and which sciences it applies to on our way home. This was a 3+ hour date.
  • He was working on his PhD in computational linguistics, in other words, attempting to use math to explain how people learn languages and how languages change through time. He was pioneering the application of quantum theory to linguistics on his own, for funsies.

A combination of these circumstances caused me to fall so deep that I had no hope of redemption. I wanted nothing more in the world than to carry his babies. Nothing. I waited patiently through months of social awkwardness, inability to show affection, and many moments of panic (I was his first girlfriend…so it was a big step), with zero complaints because I needed nothing but his conversation to seduce and sustain me. In the end I was willing to put up with a thousand levels of mental illness as well as a pornography addiction to stay with him, because I was so immutably in love. I would’ve seen it through to forever, because the intellect was far more important to me than any of those other things that would’ve driven most other women away.

Yes, I was Amy Farrah Fowler.

Image result for amy farrah fowler

In conclusion, intelligence is by far the most attractive quality in a person. Doesn’t mean people can’t be attractive without it, but when it comes to that instinctive “spark,” that drive to do whatever it takes to be with someone, it don’t mean a thing if you ain’t got that ability to have a rhetorical and/or theoretical conversation. Throw some four-syllable words at me, and I am at your feet. Properly use punctuation, and I will walk the world over to get a blade of grass that you want. Play deductions with me and I will give you anything you ask. Talk any science with me and I will be the vessel for your offspring. Talk literature and I will build you a castle with my bare hands.

Talk nerdy to me.

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